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Anything Goes / Re: Cutstuff Sanctuary
« on: February 06, 2021, 07:24:45 PM »
I am really not good with words and don't know if I will even submit this post.
So yesterday when using my browser, the URL bar suggestions showed me this website and I thought I might as well check it out again. I read the last page or two of the Anything Goes thread and stumbled over Turbodude's post about this forum being kind of an archive of past selves
Looking at my past posts I have to say that reading my old posts was a terrible experience. I wonder if they represent how I was like properly or if it's more of a matter of me just having been plain terrible at conversing in text. It's a miracle that I ended up having people actually like and appreciate me in this community - although a lot of my interactions were also off-forum and maybe I was different on skype? I honestly didn't notice myself changing between, say, 2016 and now (2021) but I definitely must have, to a big degree.
I guess one of the main things about me that did happen over the last few years is that I ended up being very scared of conflict and ended up being a lot more reluctant to even say anything in messages or posts - especially in terms of voicing disagreement. I guess that's a good thing and a sign of personal growth? But at times it feels almost unhealthy.
Other things that come to mind: It seems like in the end, I now still have regular-ish contact to three of my friends from here, and even them I struggle to confidently call friends. I've never been good at keeping friends close so that's nothing unexpected but it's still kind of sad - but there's of course also always external factors that influence things like that. I still think they're still overall friends though.
But I am thankful for everyone here who was ever friends with me or even just talked to me occasionally - this community was the first community online I was ever part of and where I learnt and grew a lot. If you read this, and remember be (or maybe not), and wanna talk to me about the good old days or whatever, my discord user name is in the website link on my profile / the globe icon below my avatar. I'm honestly kind of paranoid about it getting indexed in Google or whatever since I'm *that* embarrassed of what 18-21 year old me posted so I'm not posting it in the open.
So yesterday when using my browser, the URL bar suggestions showed me this website and I thought I might as well check it out again. I read the last page or two of the Anything Goes thread and stumbled over Turbodude's post about this forum being kind of an archive of past selves
Looking at my past posts I have to say that reading my old posts was a terrible experience. I wonder if they represent how I was like properly or if it's more of a matter of me just having been plain terrible at conversing in text. It's a miracle that I ended up having people actually like and appreciate me in this community - although a lot of my interactions were also off-forum and maybe I was different on skype? I honestly didn't notice myself changing between, say, 2016 and now (2021) but I definitely must have, to a big degree.
I guess one of the main things about me that did happen over the last few years is that I ended up being very scared of conflict and ended up being a lot more reluctant to even say anything in messages or posts - especially in terms of voicing disagreement. I guess that's a good thing and a sign of personal growth? But at times it feels almost unhealthy.
Other things that come to mind: It seems like in the end, I now still have regular-ish contact to three of my friends from here, and even them I struggle to confidently call friends. I've never been good at keeping friends close so that's nothing unexpected but it's still kind of sad - but there's of course also always external factors that influence things like that. I still think they're still overall friends though.
But I am thankful for everyone here who was ever friends with me or even just talked to me occasionally - this community was the first community online I was ever part of and where I learnt and grew a lot. If you read this, and remember be (or maybe not), and wanna talk to me about the good old days or whatever, my discord user name is in the website link on my profile / the globe icon below my avatar. I'm honestly kind of paranoid about it getting indexed in Google or whatever since I'm *that* embarrassed of what 18-21 year old me posted so I'm not posting it in the open.
, that file host I used went under a few years ago already and I never checked back here in the meantime.