Hell, I remember back BEFORE I joined CutStuff, when my Home Forum was TMMN's MegaMan Network Forum. I was so retardedly stupid, I literally wish I could go back in time and punch myself in the face. I mainly used that forum to actually escape my real world problems, because at the time, I wanted a bullet to the brain and nothing else. Which was also retardedly stupid. I had just been through one of those 'over-commercialized lovey-Dovey teen relationships' and, you guessed it, I was the so-called 'heart broken' one in the after math. For some reason, I was so devastated by it. Like she was the only thing that mattered. I'm questioning whether I was sane back then...
not like I'm any more sane now... >.> <.< The entire thing ended because I was being a jackass, not only to her, but everybody else I saw. What I thought was simple, harmless jokes, actually turned out to be complete dickery. I was literally being some ass hole that did what ever he could for the smallest amount of attention, which most likely, and unintentionally went into my forum posts at the time. I posted shit like "MegaMan X v. Zero? Who wins? I bet it's Zero cause Zero has a sword thing". (By the way, if you haven't noticed by now, Zero is actually one of my least favorite characters from the MM series now, and i kinda hate the part of the fan base that just WORSHIPS him.)
Fun Fact: I was actually obsessed with ServBots BEFORE I got to TMMN.
Anyway, I remember the first day I was here. It was the near end of my retardedness, or atleast the lessening of it. I officially joined August 30th, of 2012. And it was during the last few weeks of Summer vacation if I remember correctly. Anyway, I've lurked around for skins to download a while before I joined, but to no avail, none of the links I tried worked. Well, except the helmetless ProtoMan. Anyway, the first day I joined, it was sometime during the morning, and I was visiting my aunts house. Me and her usually do stupid things on the internet, and when she was preparing breakfast, I asked if I could join. She basically gave me the "IDGAF, I'm not your mom so who cares" routine she usually does when it came to things like that. So my whole
FIRST post, was on a thread, being an introduction, because I didn't find the introductions thread.. I also had some retarded 'Clans' thing for MM8BDM thing going on. I swear, I went on a field day with my first day, millions of posts containing my idiocy flooded the forums. I originally actually came here to ask about a glitch in MM8BDM v1. No joke, and it was around the time of v2c. But like I said, I was an idiot, and I downloaded 8BDM through an INSTALLER on a school computer.... Good times, good times.... I'm honestly surprised I wasn't outright bludgeoned by the ban-hammers, due to my incessant typing with uncapitalized sentences, numbers, and I think the occasional 1337 speak. However, this problem was later on fixed, and I learned grammar and Meriam Websters or whoever were my bestest friends. Later on, during Seventh Grade, was it? I was a bit more active... Except the problem with that is that it was DURING school, so it nearly conflicted with most of my work. Which was a MAJOR problem. During that time, my idiocy also spawned CutStuff Zombies. It actually spawned from a little sketch that looked like shit, but I saw it as 'Neato!'. Now, that dickery I was speaking of earlier, literally went away most of the time, or so I kinda thought. Instead of making my original asshat jokes, I started making jokes with my 'Asian' and 'Hispanic' friends. They literally teased me back, but to the unknowing crowds, It looked very "unprofessional" and my entire school learned to despise me. And I didn't take the hint. At all. There were some people I wasn't able to repel with my stupidity, which led to another 'relationship'. However, I learned to grow more comfortable with posting my everyday life on CutStuff... Which... Probably wasn't the best idea. Anyway, around this time, this is where outside Assholery came in. Especially when it wasn't even coming from me. This time, I was the one who was 'assaulted'. The stereotypical 'jocks' paired with the 'hoodlums' decided to gang up on me, and relentlessly torture me with threats, and multiple variations of saying "You're homosexual" (btw, this was the censored version of what they said. It was much, much worse). It got to the point where I even felt like I wanted to cut the "metaphorical cord" on my life. Which I'm sure we all know what that means. I even had to speak to the counselor with my mother, but it didn't help much either. And nothing was done to stop it. I learned to deal with it, and I became more emotionally hardened. I had the occasional thoughts of mass homicide flowing through my head, but I felt like it as normal to think like that.
Now, this is the time where that 'girlfriend break up incident' that took place. Where I kinda was a dick to my 'GF' so she would break up with me, so she wouldn't be sad, but maybe angry? I had no idea what was rolling on in my mind, but what ever. I posted it on the forum as soon as it happened. It worked perfectly, in fact, it was to the point where I was much of a dick, but not too much. It ended that relationship, and we were still friends. In fact, we're still talking. But this didn't go over too well with the forum-goers. I even went into a couple days of inactivity until I apologized to her about it. Her response however, was: "I don't care. I just want to be friends again". So months passed and I learned what self-loathing was, and now it's Summer Vacation. I had this tablet computer, which I played 8BDM on offline most of the time. That beauty was my most favorite piece of working scrap metal ever. I had so much fun; playing MM8BDM online when I was rarely able to, drawing, spritin, playing NaviNetwork when I was able to, and talking with my favorite people on Skype: LeoAlex, New_Female, HilMan[2manynumbers4me], and the occasional Azure Sky, (and RARELY That Communist Magical carton of orange juice) I even had a huge chat thing on there so we could discuss CSZ plans. And actually, through CutStuff and Skype, I've actually thought there were people I wouldn't have hated. People that'd I like, and people that'd like me. In my little 'group' of 'friends', there was a lot in common in between the lot of us. And sometimes, I'd even think we were all clones, ha. Later on, a month before 8th grade hit, I was struck by some ass hole. He gave me the Goo.Gl Virus, some key logger thing, and it made me worry. If it were truly a key logger, what if he hacked into my Skype and gave the rest of CutStuff the virus? I think my Virus was a special case, since I don't think I got the same results as other people. My screen turned ENTIRELY black. It sounded like everything else worked, but my screen was just blacked out.
Fun Fact: Some number of weeks ago, I actually turned my tablet computer on again recently. It looked entirely normal for a small amount of time. Like, I saw my old Panty and Stocking desktop, along with all of my files flooding my screen. I saw it all. But after some amount of seconds, and after skype tried to reopen, it blacked out again. Which was strange, since it wasn't connected to the internet. Must've been an algorithm or some type of coding that asshole plagued my computer with.
So after a while, 8th grade hit. I looked at things like a new, fresh start. A way for me to change from my ass hole ways. I was sick of pushing away or hurting my so-called 'loved ones and friends'. And this time, it worked. Sure, there have been some steep and rocky areas. But over all, my asshole-ishness nearly completely went away. Only showing rarely.
However, there was a different problem that kind of remained. I still hated myself for some reason. In fact, I STILL hate myself. If I had the ability to see myself from another persons eyes, I'd shoot me, right in the knee caps. I KNOW, that if I hadn't been such a shmuck, things would've been better. I wouldn't have thoughts of genocide and torture passing through my mind, and I probably wouldn't even HAVE that Goo.Gl virus.
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