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Then again, there are a few people (I don't like to name names) that I've ended up doing my best to avoid as a result of this, so maybe it is a bit personal..?? I dunno.
I think this is why I've been aliasing a lot when playing MM8BDM--an attempt to get away from my identity and reputation, and away from the eyes of a few people. I kinda realized that if I played the game without people immediately knowing who I was, I didn't feel as bad.
Regarding your statement regarding your reputation here, why is that? You've committed no reprehensible actions, and have had nothing but a positive impact on the community.
Considering Cutstuff has been relatively lifeless for the past 3 months, uncomfortableness and confusion is very understandable. Many people here probably feel out of place due to very little communication. Trust me, it isn't specific to you.
Unfortunately, most people who recognize you will still call you Kapus and not by the alias.
you are a very nice guy
I've ignored or refused to help others around here when I'm perfectly capable of doing so, I'm unable to improve my MM8BDM skills against good competition, etc. To be honest I can only think of one thing that I actually finished my entire time I've been here, which was a map for the Finish That Map 2 competition (a map that ended up in the middle of the pack, but that's somewhat ancillary).
It's all part of a crippling inferiority complex that I've suffered from ever since those aforementioned junior years, where I believed that wasn't good enough for everyone else. This thinking only makes me angry and depressed to the point where I detest certain members of the community; not because of any action that has come at my expense, but simply because they remind me of something that I believe I will never be able to reach while I'm here. I'm a rather mediocre, middle-of-the-road person, with no real fit inside of this community.
I like to think that I don't hurt Cutstuff's well-being by staying here, but I'm almost certain that I don't help it, and that it wouldn't suffer any drastic blow if I was to leave, unlike other members of the community who have shown that they are proficient and useful through their success.
I'm unimportant and unskilled