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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: October 06, 2017, 02:57:54 AM »

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After taking out those... alien creatures, Boarfanger Man did what a hunter usually does when he defeats a monster.
Carve something out of the monsters.

Hunting Knife > Snake

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: September 17, 2017, 01:08:02 AM »

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Rolling out of the way once more of the Slime, Boarfanger Man was feeling a rush.
After silencing the Snake, he decided to get the first hit on the Amorphous Blob, that he would certainly crush...

...While trying to forget that Bass just stepped on it. What a sand-swimming whale.

Attack > Slime

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: August 27, 2017, 03:43:42 AM »

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The gelatinous blob's attempted assault was no match for a well placed roll. Good thing he wields a light weapon.
But it seems that the Small Snake Wyvern, or rather, "Snake" will go down in one more well placed strike.
"Focus on the blob. I'm gonna take this thing down."
Trusting in himself, Boarfanger Man goes in for the kill.

Attack > Snake

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: August 14, 2017, 03:28:52 AM »

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Boarfanger Man finally has a chance to prove his fighting skill...
...Against aliens?

Shaking off his initial confusion, Boarfanger Man prepares for battle. There is simply no time for anything too flashy; so he decides to do a simple jumping strike at the Small Quiet Plateless Najarala

Attack > Snake A

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: August 06, 2017, 03:33:15 AM »

Part 1

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While he was on the cargo ship, Boarfanger Man; after hearing that there were, indeed, supplies packed on the ship, started rummaging for supplies first; preparing for the hunt. To him, going out under-prepared is a death sentence.
After taking his share of the supplies, Boarfanger Man looked for somewhere to get his bearings...

A few hours dragged on, when a stray laser blast sped through besides one of the ship's side window. A loud explosion caused the cargo jet to tremble.
Pilot: Long-ranged attack! I should've listened to the General when he said using a non-combat ship to slip under Mechanus' radar was a bad idea! We're going down!
Cargo Jet Computer: ACTIVATING HOVER LAND.

Part 2

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Surprisingly, the crash wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.
There are some things about the world he just doesn't understand yet. After exiting the wreckage, Boarfanger Man looked around himself...

It's just a port town. Boarfanger Man made sure to stick close to his party, in case something large invaded the area.

Knight 1: Stop right there, strangers!
Knight 2: How are we to know you are not in cahoots with that goblin?

Boarfanger Man demonstrated his bad puns in front of the knights.
"Konchu see that we're just trying to pass? Now, I know you're not trying to Slagtoth on your duties here, but you see, if you do find it to be a good idea to mess with us, you're going to get Tig-wrecked. As far as I know, Melynx between that 'goblin' and a 'Mekkanus' are but naught. I have a Felyne you're just having a slow day."

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: June 27, 2017, 02:44:07 AM »

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Boarfanger Man spares not a moment more in the meeting room and walks outside...

...The light really hurts his eyes when he's been in the dark, even if he spends most of his days in his mask.
Taking a moment to adjust to the sudden influx of light, Boarfanger Man looks around himself...
...By Gog! This place is most certainly... alien? This is going to take time adjusting to.

Boarfanger Man rummages through his pouch, spending his free time checking what items he managed to bring with him.

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Forum Games / Re: Conquest of Mechanus [Beginning]

« on: June 26, 2017, 01:56:47 AM »

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Boarfanger Man is struggling not to react to the hands messing around with his gear.

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Boarfanger Man is uncomfortable!

He starts wondering if he's still knocked out. Boarfanger Man pinches himself...
...He doesn't wake up. This is one heck of a hangover.

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Forum Games / Re: Ruin-A-Wish

« on: June 25, 2017, 05:15:26 AM »

Understandably granted; however, your food machine broke.
I'm sorry.
I wish the person who posted before me has a nice day.

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Forum Games / Boarfanger Man's Entry

« on: June 24, 2017, 08:29:11 AM »

Enter Boarfanger Man;

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Hunter's Hub theme.

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Boarfanger Man's Mood

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Another wonderful day as usual. After being slammed around by Konchu while trying to quaff his Cold Drink in the desert, rammed by Bullfango while trying to drink his Potion and getting stun-locked by pellet shots, Boarfanger Man was on the verge of losing his temper and going completely berserk. After he had drowned his sorrows at the cafeteria table, Boarfanger Man noticed he had a very strange letter in his hand.

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To "Boarfanger Man"
Congratulations! You have successfully been chosen to join the fight against the Mechanus Armada!
If this message was received by mistake, please throw this away and never remember it again!
If you would like to join our fight, please sign below.
Signed, Boarfanger Man.

In fine print, it says...
"Warning: As soon as you sign this contract, you will be upswinged by an unknown Greatsword Wielder with enough force to send you to our base of operations. We take no responsibilities for wounds suffered before, during or after the operation."

An awfully fishy letter. Boarfanger Man took a while to realize his name was already written on there...
...Or maybe he did it and forgot all about it.

Boarfanger Man looked behind him and noticed all too late that he was in the way of a greatsword's upswing.
SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!
Boarfanger Man was sent a rather comically far distance...
...Boarfanger Man started wondering when he'd finally land...
...Any second now.

Foreign dimensions are not kind to those who don't pay for their flights.
After landing in an unknown area; one which Boarfanger Man can't seem to make out in his daze; Boarfanger Man stumbled along, this way and that, before collapsing ungracefully on the ground...

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...Boarfanger Man tossed and turned in his sleep, twisted dreams invading his mind...

...Boarfanger Man woke up with a pounding headache.
The first thing he did was walk towards the meeting room.
After seeing all the strange characters that he assumed was going to be his party;
he could tell this hunt's going to be a real fun ride.

Cue theme;

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Forum Games / Re: Ruin-A-Wish

« on: June 17, 2017, 07:42:23 AM »

I wish for another wish.

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Granted! This wish now costs something, but still can be corrupted!

I wish that today was August 21st.

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General Gaming Discussion / Re: Undertale, how it's ?

« on: May 19, 2017, 10:02:20 AM »

gee this new let's play over at lparchive sure is looking great

oops

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General Gaming Discussion / Re: Undertale, how it's ?

« on: May 19, 2017, 04:38:44 AM »

Whew.
It's now time for an unpopular/really trendy opinion. Click the spoiler if you're man enough to see text on a screen.

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You have been warned.
Undertale is an Earthbound hack mildly inspired by Shin Megami Tensei with a dash of SHMUP or WarioWare dipped in furry shit and rolled up with unfunny memes and Tumblr level humor.
Undertale is not that great. Maybe not even decent. Perhaps, dare I say, it's shit.
Toby Fox truly never let go of his roots on this adventure; because this one's just a really gimmicky Earthbound hack with hippies all over the walls.
First encounter we have a little shithead flower who tells us "that's not your level, that's LOVE (all caps at all times.)" and "run into these totally not bullets to increase your LOVE." Naturally, you're dropped to 1 HP and now he surrounds you with rings because it turns out he is a psychopath! (wow edgy) He's the villain of this story.

Or not. Either way, you're forced into the following exchange;
So Dora the Suicidal Explorer about to die because you ran into a bullet like an idiot or was GM fiated because you avoided the bullets and the bullets are about to close in and end Dora The Very Neutral Explorer's life when BOOSH! FIRE! moves the flower out of the way. The one who saved Dora the Traumatized Explorer? TORIEL THE FURFAGGOT toby put his mom in the game but she's a FURRY.

Now Dora the Comatose Explorer is helped through the ruins by TORIEL (haha get it because she's a living tutorial) because it's too fucking retarded to figure anything out on its own.

Oh look, a dummy! This is an introduction to the battle system, where you can choose LOSE, ITEM, SOLVE and WIN.
The cursor starts on LOSE because it's based on a RPG and all good RPGs start on the attack button.
This battle is pointless, because no matter what you do, whether it's butchering, talking or FLYING AWAY OMG SO RANDOM XDXDXD, nothing really changes besides the response of the Tutorial NPC.

So Dora the Ruins Explorer helped some more, goes through pointless events and obtains a phone after getting ditched, gets called an asshole by the text box for robbing candy and solves some puzzles, gets past a ghost that's pretty OFF lol XD, solves some more puzzles and ends up at a house.
This house is pretty comfy, or it would be if it wasn't for all this FUR! FURFAGGOT GREETS YOU ONCE MORE AND GREETS YOU AND TELLS YOU TO GO TO SLEEP THEN WE GET UP IN THE MORNING GET HOMESCHOOLED GO TO SLEEP DON'T WORRY ABOUT GOING HOME LITTLE DORA.

Disobey the Tutorial, because that's the only opportunity you get. But first, go the fuck to sleep to get the best healing item in the game. So Dora the Explorer who disobeys parents walk along, giving no two shits about the tutorial telling it "head back pls" as it trails behind her. Eventually, they end up at the door. You're gonna go through one of the lamest tests you could ever go through. This is the first boss.

Wanna know a secret trick? Press the WIN button over and over in order to win. You are not told this anywhere in the game unless you talk to an invisible NPC in a wall hinted at by a NPC. Joyful.
You can't die without trying to in this battle, either, because there's a pattern that kicks in when you're almost dead that involves bullets that can't hit you.
So Dora the Very Uncomfortable Explorer trips some flags or something and gets a hug or not and passes through one of the only important looking doors that look like they'll appear later but don't, gets a response from main villain based on what flags it tripped, then moves on into a very slippery place.

ICE LAND! No, it's just Snowdin. Haha, get it? SNOWED IN! So Dora the Explorer of Subterranean Habitats walks by the trees while being trailed by a most sinister figure. Tripping on some unavoidable sticks, it ends up at a bridge. The figure tells them to turn around, holds out their hand for a hand-shake and gives Dora the Internet Explorer the classic whoopie cushion trick.
Welcome to the rest of the game.

So after going through a series of bone puns and WACKY HIJINKS with the OH SO RANDOM comedy duo of Wario and Waluigi SANS AND PAPYRuS BECAUSE YOU KNOW FONTS YEAH HOW CLEVER LOOK AT ALL THE SYMBOLISM, Dora the Deviantart Explorer end up in the town of Snowdin, finally. Welcome to a furfags heaven and a sane mans hell. There's furries everywhere. Any sane man would've turned off the game by now, but this isn't a world for sane men.

So Dora the Explorer of Furaffinity presses on, doing whatever it is that they have to do. Eventually, it enters a strange area that gets foggier the further in they get. Then you see a silhouette of a certain familiar skeleton.
Here we go. The second boss fight. It's braindead easy until the gimmick kicks in. Wanna know what the gimmick is?
Platforming. Neat, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Wanna know what's also neat? You can skip this boss fight by sucking too much. You don't game over when you lose to him. Rather, Dora the Doghouse Explorer trips a flag and end up in a very-easy-to-escape from prison, with associated RANDUMB-ness.

Dora the Frostbitten Explorer ends up WINning against Papyrus or sucked too much to actually win the fight and goes past him.
What's that? That important looking corridor? That has nothing to do with the actual game! Just walk along to the next area or visit his house and enjoy more WACKY HUMOR which is also wonderfully named.

The name? A Rather Damp Cave Waterfall. In Waterfall, you get exposition, more puzzle-solving, more walking about, more monster appeasing, more random moments, more Joy.
So Dora the Swamp Explorer encounters some signs that give backstory on this place from the mosnter's point of view. Oh and important things relating to it or whatever. So after Dora the Damp Explorer walks past the black waters, goes through an EXTRA RANDOM event involving a trip too long for it's own good; it enters a rather dark part of the cave. Naturally, after interacting with all the mushrooms, Dora the Explorer Of Fun Dark Places goes into a certain... area.

Good lord, it's something out of 2012!
cough Let's not.

Dora the Internet Humor Explorer wanders about, doing some more puzzles, exploring and robbing going through encounters, Dora the Very Pale Explorer encounters a certain knight looking fellow. The knight is aggressive. Dora the Pale From Fear Explorer has to now run from this certain knight and its spears, because touching them means death. entering a microgame of dodging spears. After running for a very long time, it seems there's nowhere left to run.

Is this it? Is this really how it's gonna end?
Nah. Dora the Embarrassing Memory Explorer instead has its part of the bridge cut off by this certain knight and ends up falling to its death, never to be discovered again.
Nope. Dora the Spoiler Explorer ends up going through a dream sequence before waking up surrounded by garbage. Garbage that looks like the dictionary definition of garbage. Walking along, as there seems to be nothing else to do, Dora the Dummy Irking Explorer ends up encountering another dummy, but it's possessed by a ghost. Spooky. It also has some dialogue related to what you did to the dummy. Clever. It also has a Jojo reference. Funny.

So Dora the Explorer that Forces Betrayals defeats the Second Dummy using friendly fire, WINs and moves on.

After escaping the trash he-

actually fuck it it's taking up too much of my time writing this
i'm writing from memory but
i just don't like it okay?

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Anything Goes / Re: Cut man and friends go on adventures (the comic)

« on: May 18, 2017, 05:18:34 AM »

why do I love this

Not sure, but maybe it's because it's dumb.

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Forum Games / Re: Ruin-A-Wish

« on: May 17, 2017, 08:17:08 AM »

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Granted, every little thing that has ever lived and has or had the potential to be as good or better than you is dead.

I want a pile of odd socks that have no odor, but every time you dig into them, you will never find a proper pair of socks, as every time you think you found a matching sock, there is always an off detail, meaning that when possible sock combinations run out, the pile will be empty, yet somehow it is compacted into the size of a pile of about 20 socks, all of which are legal to own and have no contaminants and are impossible to salvage into a usable material. You can also move the pile around as if it was a pile of 20 socks, but no socks will ever fall from the pile unless you dig them out.

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Forum Games / Re: Ruin-A-Wish

« on: May 17, 2017, 01:37:22 AM »

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Granted! Make a new wish.

I wish for nothing.