Smashing Streams - deadlines are geigh

[Hallan Parva]

... I know I said I'd be doing Revolution after Unlimited, but after talking about it I sort of want to play MegaMari again.


The thing is, Unlimited really isn't that hard. Once you know everything you can reduce the stages down to a science. The thing is, if you even fuck up in the tiniest of ways, the game usually makes you pay for it with either instant death or eight points of bloody contact damage. It's not making mistakes that pushes the game to insane levels of bullshit, it's that you can't afford to make one mistake without having to restart the entire fucking segment. If I wanted to run the game perfectly, I would have called it a Perfect Run. Designing a fan game for a series built entirely around switching weapons, multiple paths, and exploring what works versus certain bosses and enemies and what doesn't work... and then making it so that if you don't know exactly what to do, the game grinds Mega Man's fucking robotic dong up and down against a cheese grater so your health bar falls down faster than someone on Rush Jet in a server with SaviorSword abusing Gravity Hold... yeah, that's just poor design.

I will agree that Revolution is pretty forgiving until the Wily stages (which is why I'm leaning more towards MegaMari at this point) but at least Revolution gave you the freedom to play around and figure out a stage on your own instead of throwing a grilled spikes sandwich at you, sliding the plate down the bar diner-style. On the contrary, I rather enjoy challenging games. I like the feeling of triumph from getting past an obstacle after twenty failures. I like bosses that honestly scare the shit out of me with their attacks, and I like finally destroying said bosses once I figure out their pattern isn't so bad. Unfortunately, Unlimited lacked that sense of accomplishment, at least for me personally. When I beat Trinitro Man's stage, I didn't say "Alright! I did it!" Everyone who watched the stream would know it was more along the lines of "Finally. Now I won't have to stare at this fucker's shit-brown tileset ever again." It's not the length of the stages or the placement of the enemies or even the over-reliance on gimmicks to force each stage to be unique. It's the lack of elbow room for making mistakes, and we're all human here so there's going to be a few mistakes on our part even when we think we've got the stage cracked apart.

This is why I enjoy playing MegaMari. On paper, the thought of making an action-platformer like Mega Man into a bullet hell sounds like the most sadistic shit in any existing universe, known or unknown. Then you go through a stage, you switch between Marisa's pellet shots and Alice's shield-piercing laser, you pick up a weapon, you pick up another weapon, now you feel like the king of kong, know right from wrong, you're gonna slap Robo-Patchy right in the dong. I'm not going to mince words here: MegaMari is balls-twistingly difficult and it's not a game everyone would enjoy. I made more than my fair share of mistakes while playing and the game over theme was all-but-ingrained into my memory. However, I still felt motivated to get up, dust off Marisa's hat, fix the ribbons in Alice's hair, and start the stage over again.

There are a shitload of bullets and that's to be expected seeing as how it's a Touhou fan game and all, but even when I was being literally peppered by shots, each bullet only dealt about two or three damage. That's the way it should be. There were still spikes and bottomless pits and death bombs and the infamous Patchouli Beams (she's been talking with Quick Man too much) but even still they all felt fair and avoidable, if I moved fast enough or if I cleared that rabbit from that platform or if I pussied out and used the Broom Jet I could still get around it. Unlimited's design substituted genuine difficulty for "fake challenge". Few things in Unlimited actually gave me problems, but the rare issue I came across with ended up dealing 8 fucking damage or had twice the normal hitstun and knocked me into a pit or just instagibbed me outright, and that's simply not fun. What's the point in feeling awesome through most of the stage if that fucking Platypressor at the end just rapes you in ten seconds, and with the shitty checkpoint placement you have to slog through half the stage again in what can only be described as Satan and Wily's 500K Castration Marathon.

To be fair, even the end of the fucking game pulls that shit. You get through the torture of NINE mini-stages, fight the Robot Masters, somehow avoid losing all of your lives to make it to yet another mini-stage, spank Bass in his hind quarters, defeat the Wily Chin Machine, go Ghetto Vile up on Wily's ride armor, and finally make it to the skull behind the skull. The final stage. The last chapter in the MegaPhil's masochistic torture chamber. You've stopped the crystals with Glue Shot, you've abuse the shit out of Comet Dash, you've absorbed countless bullets with Nail Shield, you've realized Trinitro Blast is utter crap, you've seen the beauty and glory known as Yoku Man... you've done it. The final battle is about to go down and Mega Man Unlimited might actually end on a positive note.

... Well holy shit on a stick, let's rob you of that too. Here, have an unwinnable boss fight. At the end of the game. Because FUCK. YOU.

Even in a tough game like MegaMari, you still stand a fair chance at any given moment. If you get through most of the stage perfectly, chances are that you'll do well against a midboss or even against the end boss. At no point in the game do I remember losing a third of my health to a single hit in MegaMari; better performance through a stage usually means better performance against the boss. With Unlimited I hardly even care to take my time and just zerg rushed through the later stages simply because of the bullshit damage levels each boss was capable of throwing at your general direction. If I had perfect health made no impact versus me missing five or six units of my health, since I'd still die in four hits regardless. Sure, you can buy E-Tanks for a small price, but you shouldn't have to burn an E-Tank in a normal Robot Master fight. Even MegaMari acknowledges that; powerful attacks come one or two at a time, whereas the danmaku hell Touhou fans adore does minimal damage at best. There's no shop to get tanks from, and actually finding a tank is a rare and impressive feat. MegaMari had me look up, down, and sideways for those glorious Mushroom Tanks; with Unlimited I ended up passing over E-Tanks and W-Tanks simply because it was easier to spend bolts to get them instead of waste a life trying to grab it, knowing that in the very likely event of me fucking up I'd have to replay a good half of the stage all over again.

So yeah, fuck Unlimited. Fuck it up the ass. Fuck it hard and fuck it dry. Fuck it until it begs for mercy. I am so unbelievably tired of that game and if anyone has a better Mega Man game or fan game for me to play, I'll snatch that shit up in a nanosecond.

[Hallan Parva]

spoilers - contains MY FACE

[Hallan Parva]

Racing Mega Man 4 with Smash and Rozark and my ghost Uki who's not really racing but he might be there?
I'm kidding, the question mark was a hypothetical question.

http://www.twitch.tv/whoadoctorfreeman

what he said

http://www.twitch.tv/smashbroplusb

[Hallan Parva]

there is just a constant wall of Luigi in this thread right now



so in a few hours I'll be recording another Skype call while discussing Whodunit Dinner Theater and playing Mega Man Powered Up with Rozark (hopefully?)

[Hallan Parva]

http://www.twitch.tv/smashbroplusb


woop

[Hallan Parva]

Muzaru: Rip Mu, oLo
Smashbroplusb: oh hey Muzaru
Muzaru: Hay Smash 8D
Musashibb: Freeman sucks, THE END
Smashbroplusb: Freeman's frickin balls hurt
Smashbroplusb: by the way kids SPIRAL PARTY AT 9PM
Smashbroplusb: [/upstaging]

[Ceridran]

I'l try to join you in this run because I do enjoy me some Spiral Knights

[Hallan Parva]

[9:15:46 PM] Rock Flounder: why is this call taking a shit
[9:15:56 PM] Rock Flounder: the stream's running abnormally fine so it's not my connection
[9:15:59 PM] Rock Flounder: I mean
[9:16:02 PM] Rock Flounder: it's freaky fast


[9:25:49 PM] Rock Flounder: I give up

streaming without a call because yes
http://www.twitch.tv/smashbroplusb

[Ceridran]

best stream 2013

showed me a shroomish for 1 minute and shut off the stream

In other words, I was disappointed.

[Hallan Parva]

Yesterday I attempted to stream Sonic 3 & Knuckles to see if my internet wasn't shit anymore.
It worked... sort of. Who cares, the framerate was smooth and that's good enough for me.


[6:41:28 PM] Smashette Navya: probably streaming some Maniboners
[6:41:44 PM] Smashette Navya: I don't know what I'm doing in the slightest
[6:41:50 PM] Smashette Navya: which means this should be entertaining to watch


http://www.twitch.tv/smashbroplusb
okay fuck Twitch let's do this instead
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/smashing-streams

[Hallan Parva]

Ustream doesn't hate me so I'm going to be using it more often. I know its chat system is significantly worse but it doesn't randomly crap out on me for no reason like Twitch is fond of doing. On that note, as soon as certain people become relevant I am going to stream the amazing Gamecube cult classic Custom Robo from the very beginning. It's a beautiful game that not a lot of people know about outside of Japan, partially due to its practically nonexistent marketing and advertising in the United States.

[Hallan Parva]

[3:20:43 PM] Llama: oh you're streaming
[3:21:24 PM] Llama: it helps that I'm literally just stopping by to collect some shit and check up on stuff before delving into another 8 hour outline I haven't started yet because yesterday was my mom's birthday
[3:21:43 PM] Thunder Electros: I get a product grade DBQ to write over break
[3:22:00 PM] Llama: I get a research paper to write
[3:22:13 PM] Llama: oh the entirety of Andrew Jackson's life
[3:22:18 PM] Smashette Navya: ow
[3:22:30 PM] Thunder Electros: oh that sounds fucking wonderful


[3:20:06 PM] Smashette Navya: well Knux removed me from his contacts so I guess he's sitting out like a loser
[3:20:36 PM] Lego: I could add him
[3:20:43 PM] Lego: but he's off so


Screw it, I'm starting anyway. Besides, the very beginning of the game isn't that exciting anyway. I'd probably waste a lot of time talking about game semantics or something. Basically, whenever you're done with things, hop in the stream and watch robots shoot each other in the dongs.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/smashing-streams

[Hallan Parva]

stream going up in five minutes


don't ask

[Hallan Parva]

[7:20:37 PM] Smashette Navya: Freeman wins
[7:21:59 PM] Smashette Navya: Nuzlocke O'clock
[7:21:59 PM] Smashette Navya: "I lose my mind right at nine"
[7:22:25 PM] Smashette Navya: I'll be taking lots of pictures in case the stream decides to crap out again


also I'm not naming the player Moose this time

[Hallan Parva]

it's hot and ready the moose is a dick by the way