know a neat joke or pun? post it here!
nothing veeryy offensive though ;^(
i'll start
what do you call a happy penguin? a pen-grin! haha!
a never ending argument about which is better! geddit? cus its a preference thing like lots of other stuff! hhhhaaaaaahhhhhh...... im sorry that was bad
Fryfryfry! (Say it really really quickly)
-- Based on a bad joke by my former chemistry teacher that only really worked in German --
Wie lacht ein Schnitzel? - Brutzel Brutzel!
"How do you drive this thing?"
Dinner. You were aware those are bullet holes, right?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.
It is impawsible to watch in one sitting.
Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
To get to the dark side.
_________
What number do you call for in an emergency?
None. Numbers can't hear you, so I doubt they're going to come straight to help you in a dire situation.
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!
Because he already uses jellyportation!
EDIT:
Why doesn't Beed28 take the stairs?
He prefers the Jellyvator!
Instead of the regular question and answer joke or pun, here's an anecdote. It's not mine though; I just found it.
I got a Python story related to German: I punctured my lung when I was young, got a staph infection, and was miserable in the hospital, doped up on morphine. I asked my parents to rent every Python video in the store. Big mistake.
While "The Funniest Joke in the World" skit was playing I started uncontrollably laughing/coughing up blood. Coughing up blood was a good thing, because all the stale blood in my lungs was a bacterial breeding ground. But, it's extremely painful to laugh if you recently had a collapsed lung . The remote control was on a table with wheels, and when I tried to spasmodically grab it to turn off the funniest joke skit, it rolled away.
Then the thought occurred to me that I would die laughing watching a skit about people dying from laughter, which made it funnier. I had to hit the emergency button to page the Nurse, and I did so repeatedly. When she came in she was extremely concerned. I was in tears, blood on my face, jerking spasmodically, and unable to talk or breathe. Eventually I was able to choke-out "Turn... it... off!!"
And yeah, it turned out not to be such a bad thing. The nurses had been encouraging me to cough, and I had been refusing. The nurse told my parents that Monty Python did the trick, and my parents insisted I keep watching it. My fever went down after a couple days, and I was home with a Heimlich valve dangling out of my side after a week. I'm not a religious man, but I've known the healing power of Python.
See you later, alligator.