I'm not quite sure where to drop this, so I guess I'll put it here.
So this weekend I got bored and did an alone playthrough of MMSPSiN, as Roll on Hard.
...Somehow this narrative came of it too, in front of a live chatroom audience. Some of them enjoyed reading it, and I'd hate for it to be lost in the sands of time...perhaps it'll double as proof of my success anyhow? I hope you enjoy reading it. Or you could not. I mean, it's your choice.
"Only I remain. All of my friends are gone...or away...or dead. Wily is invading, and I am the only one who can stop him. That is what I know. The only question is...who do I try to fight first?"
"As I stare at my opponents—a pair of garden shears, a lighter, a sewing needle, and a frog—I figure that the shears would be the logical first step. I walk alone, buster in hand, into his stage."
"In a panic, I run into Cut-Man's boss room. I have made it this far without falling once, and I am noticing for the first time that I am not as bad as I thought: my buster seems strong, my running speed fast. The Crazy Razies are a bit too much when they group together, but I shouldn't have to be dealing with them again. It's time to face a new foe...Cut-Man."
"It takes me an E-Tank and seemingly a million shots, but his poor garden shears are outmaneuvered by me easily. As I stare at his crumpled, smoking chassis, I cannot help but feel joy flutter up in my heart: I, Roll, have singlehandedly murdered a Robot Master. Swiping the scissors from his head, I head back to the Lab and equip myself with his weapon as best I can. The Ground Cutter is born."
"Now, who shall I test it upon?"
"I stare at the needle, and am slightly filled with fear. It reminds me of the death spikes. Oh, the instant-death spikes. But that is not what a needle is, and I feel as if I am ready to thread this needle."
"As I press the third switch, I hear sounds of the bridge rumbling and being raised. I note that I have never felt quite so alive as I do when I am shooting this gun of mine! The Ground Cutter makes short work of the Needle Harries, and I still feel utterly untouchable. You'll have to work harder than that to bring down Roll!"
"On the way to the boss, a cannon from a Giant Met reminded me of my own mortality. I proceed more carefully, grabbing health packs if I need them, and somehow reach the boss door in perfect health. I never have sewn before, but hopefully a needle will still come easily to me..."
"I was allowing my fear to get the better of me, and Needle-Man fell to my buster just like Cut-Man before him. I love the feeling of satisfaction I get when I defeat them, but I ignore it for now. I break a needle off of his head and drag it back to the lab with me, granting me my second weapon: the Puncture Needle. Before I continue, I take a brief moment to rest and recuperate."
"After breathing and relaxing for a brief while, I return to the display panel. Without Cut and Needle's faces, it looks empty, and it saddens me a little to know only my face shall remain at the end. But evil must be stopped, everyone knows that...and so, I stare at the remaining two faces. Toad and Heat. Who next?"
"It seems I've left the funny-looking masters for last, but I can't help but chuckle at Heat-Man's picture. He's a freakin' box! How does he even walk with that thing on? I decide to put him out of his misery, and warp off to the furnace. It's hot, but I'm as cool as can be."
"I am severely injured and the heat is beginning to make me woozy. I haven't fallen yet, but the sight of the rising and lowering lava is enough to make me nauseous. I want to get out of here, as quick as my legs can carry me."
"I charge into Heat-Man's room, exhausted. I find myself regretting mocking him—his level has been nothing but close calls. As I stare into his fiery eyes, I feel nervous again, but I raise my buster all the same. No one else is left to brave his fire; I must do this."
"The fire burns hot. It scorches my hair and melts my buster, and I scream in pain from the fire within. Twice I fall, as Heat-Man can do in one stroke to me what I can do to him with a hundred bullets. Eventually, he meets his match against my buster, and with some difficulty I tear his arms off. I receive the Atomic Radiance, and I feel that warm feeling again—and no, not from the weapon. Am I becoming addicted to war and strength? Is this what it feels like to be a sadist? I idly wonder, but in the end, all I know is I like the feeling. There is only one face left, and I am certain he won't be a match. Time to go catch me a frog."
"Entering the sewer is proving to be a tougher challenge than I expected. Enemy patrols are everywhere and they are surprisingly strong compared to some others. At least after being burned, the water is refreshing on my skin."
"I step out from behind a corner, and am stabbed from behind with an umbrella. I move out of the path of one bomb, and directly into the path of another. I feel as if this place is far tougher than the others, as if the things here were designed to stop me...but that's impossible, right? I only hope it's overcompensation for a weak leader."
"As I fall yet again, I grit my teeth and have flashbacks. I stopped mass deforestation. I saved a city from siege. I braved the heat of a burning furnace. And yet after all that, I am stuck here in the sewers, trying to reach some stupid toad. Why is this so hard? Perhaps I should rest—yes, right here, in the middle of the sewer—and take a break."
"I awaken, but I cannot remember falling asleep. All I remember is that I hate this sewer, and I hate these fish, and I hate that frog and I need to kill him as soon as I can. I warm up my buster and proceed."
"It takes forever and many falls, but eventually, I realize the best way to deal with these accursed fish is to pretend that they're not even there. My heartbeat is synced with the fire rate of my buster, which I never seem to stop firing, as I approach the final boss door. It's only a frog, right? How hard could a frog possibly be? ...Or at least, that's what I tell myself."
"He leaps, he dances, and somehow he beats me! How am I allowing myself to be defeated by someone so flamboyant?! I prefer to use just the buster, but it seems for this Robot, I will have to make an exception. As I walk in for the fourth time, I silently tell myself: this time, when he floods the room, I'll get out Atomic Radiance."
"I fall yet again, but the next time, I have learned too much of his simple pattern. I am too fast, and he is too slow. He collapses into the water, and I find there is no denying that I am loving the killing. I tear his arms off, and equip myself with the Rain Shower on the spot. After all the hell I'd been through, it was another odd satisfaction."
"As I equip myself, I suddenly look up and I hear the telltale sign of an approaching Final Boss. Sure enough, there's Dr. Wily, the madman himself, approaching in all his eyebrow-wiggling glory. 'Now, now,' he said as he approached, 'who do I find destroying my Robots?!' As if on cue, I jump up on top of Toad-Man's corpse and point my buster straight at the UFO. I'm not afraid to present myself, after all I'd done...but boy, is he shocked to see me. 'R...Roll?! Surely you're joking! You're nothing more than a housemaid, after all!'
"Suddenly, I have no desire to look tame and demure. I pull the bow out of my hair, and my hair comes loose, spilling out in all directions and covering one of my eyes. 'I'm not a housemaid anymore, Wily. Now I'm a warrior, one you should fear!'
"This takes Wily aback, and he does not respond for a brief while. Eventually, he starts flying off, shouting back at me: '...W-well, it doesn't matter what you are! These Robots were but the first of many, and there will be another wave of them for you at your doorstep, soon!' He laughs like a madman, then adds under his breath, 'yes, Napalm-Man will destroy her for sure...'
"I just smile, and warp back to the lab. When my journey began, I was silently praying that someone would appear and take the job over halfway through. Now, I hoped that someone never showed up. I had nothing to fear anymore, from Wily or anyone, and the satisfaction I received from crushing his forces was unlike anything else. For now, though, I had some time left over to relax, and that was exactly what I intended to do. I toss my weapons up on a shelf for the time being, kick back in a chair, and say to myself, 'let them come!' "
Cut Death Count: 0
Needle Death Count: 1
Heat Death Count: 2
Toad Death Count: 11
Total Death Count: 14
...Oops, I accidentally turned Roll into a badass.
I've also completed a similar run as Fake-Man, though I acquired no evidence of that run.
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