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You did very well EK, very few people would even think about doing something this creative and still fall through with it.The fights and interaction with other users were a step in the right direction.Over all you get a 11 out of 10Reason: avatar is coolNow a few questions:1. Will the surviers be in part 2?2. When will you start this up again/when can we send in characters, and how many?3. Will you continue to be the main writer for this?
I only can say I liked how you used my characters. (click to show/hide)I think Buckshot Man never won any battle.
(click to show/hide)WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY DAN JENKINS IS DEAD WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYI fought a good fight, though. Yay me
One last thing before we're done. I'm going to compile every character's wins and losses. Even if they didn't exactly die.Without further ado...Also, Trollman killing all the devils with a laser doesn't count as wins. (click to show/hide)Bikdark-Wins:2-Beat CHAOS FANTAZY in Round 1 Chapter 1, CHAOS FINALITY in Round 9 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to CHAOS FANTAZY in Round 10 Chapter 5CHAOS FANTAZY-Wins:2-Beat Cuckoo Condor in Round 8 Chapter 2, Bikdark in Round 10 Chapter 5Losses:1-Lost to Bikdark in Round 1 Chapter 1Finite Zero-Wins:NoneLosses:3- Lost to Red in Round 1 Chapter 2. Lost to Red in Round 7 Chapter 4. Lost to Red Fight in Round 7 Chapter 4.Red-Wins:2-Beat Finite Zero in Round 1 Chapter 2. Beat Finite Zero in Round 7 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Red Fight in Round 7 Chapter 4Today-Wins:4-Beat Buckshot Man in Round 1 Chapter 3, Beat Block Devil in Round 6 Chapter 3, Master Hand in Round 11 Chapter 2, SuperMarioNumbers in Round 12Losses:1-Lost to Noxium in Round 12Buckshot Man-Wins:NoneLosses:3-Lost to Today in Round 1 Chapter 3, Trollman in Round 4 Chapter 2, Kirbysonic in Round 8 Chapter 4Jman-Wins: 1-Beat Galaxy in Round 1 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Galaxy in Round 10 Chapter 4Galaxy-Wins:2-Beat Shadow Devil in Round 6 Chapter 2, Jman in Round 10 Chapter 4Losses:2-Lost to Jman in Round 1 Chapter 4, Noxium in Round 12Epic Kirby-Wins:2-Beat Cuckoo Condor in Round 10 Chapter 3, Kirbysonic in Round 14 Chapter 5Losses:1-Lost to Kirbysonic in Round 1 Chapter 5Kirbysonic-Wins:2-Beat Epic Kirby in Round 1 Chapter 5, Buckshot Man in Round 8 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Epic Kirby in Round 14 Chapter 5Omegazero-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 2 Chapter 1Boy Scout Dan Jenkins-Wins:5- Beat Omegazero in Round 2 Chapter 1, Yellow Devil in Round 4 Chapter 3, Jim the Crazy Sheep in Round 9 Chapter 3, Super Raveman in Round 13 Chapter 2, Elena Ampere in Round 14 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Elena Ampere in Round 14 Chapter 4Ventus-Wins:2-Beat Savior Sword in Round 2 Chapter 2, Cold Fusion in Round 13 Chapter 1Losses: NoneSavior Sword-Wins:NoneLosses:3-Lost to Ventus in Round 2 Chapter 2, Auroria Borealis in Round 10 Chapter 1, Tsukiyomaru Zero in Round 13 Chapter 3Thatguy-Wins:3-Beat Ninja Sister in Round 2 Chapter 3, Fusion in Round 5 Chapter 4, Terukasaga in Round 14 Chapter 3Losses: NoneNinja Sister-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Thatguy in Round 2 Chapter 3SuperMarioNumbers-Wins:2-Beat Bluebrawl in Round 2 Chapter 4, The Robot Making Machine in Round 8 Chapter 3Losses:1-Lost to Today in Round 12Bluebrawl-Wins:1-Beat Red Fight in Round 9 Chapter 2Losses:2-Lost to SuperMarioNumbers in Round 2 Chapter 4, The Almighty Lag Man in Round 14 Chapter 1Brawlman-Wins:1-Beat Kackebango in Round 13 Chapter 1Losses:2-Lost to Hiffe in Round 2 Chapter 5, Lost to the...Halberd in Round 13 Chapter 4Hiffe-Wins:1-Beat Brawlman in Round 2 Chapter 5Losses:1-Lost to Yellow Devil in Round 3 Chapter 2Sam-Wins:1-Beat TheAmazingImp in Round 3 Chapter 1Losses: NoneTheAmazingImp-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Sam in Round 3 Chapter 1Yellow Devil-Wins:1-Beat Hiffe in Round 3 Chapter 2Losses:1-Lost to Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 4 Chapter 3Sequence Man-Wins:1-Beat Dr. Fulton in Round 3 Chapter 3Losses:1-Lost to Elena Ampere in Round 9 Chapter 1Dr. Fulton-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Sequence Man in Round 3 Chapter 3Cold Fusion-Wins: NoneLosses:2-Lost to Jim the Crazy Sheep in Round 3 Chapter 4, Ventus in Round 13 Chapter 1Jim the Crazy Sheep-Wins:2-Beat Cold Fusion in Round 3 Chapter 4, Agent Milf in Round 7 Chapter 3Losses:1-Lost to Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 9 Chapter 3Terukasaga-Wins:2-Beat Pikmin in Round 3 Chapter 5, Yellow Devil Mark 2 in Round 6 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Thatguy in Round 14 Chapter 3Pikmin-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Terukasaga in Round 3 Chapter 5Labada Horde-Wins:1-Beat Blocky in Round 13 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Kackebango in Round 4 Chapter 1Kackebango-Wins:1-Beat Labada Horde in Round 4 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Brawlman in Round 13 Chapter 1Trollman-Wins:1-Beat Buckshot Man in Round 4 Chapter 2Losses:1-Lost to Tsukiyomaru Zero in Round 8 Chapter 5Super Raveman-Wins: NoneLosses:2-Lost to Elena Ampere in Round 4 Chapter 4, Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 13 Chapter 2Elena Ampere-Wins:3-Beat Super Raveman in Round 4 Chapter 4, Sequence Man in Round 9 Chapter 1, Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 14 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Boy Scout Dan Jenkins in Round 14 Chapter 4Chuggafan-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to CHAOS FINALITY in Round 4 Chapter 5CHAOS FINALITY-Wins:2-Beat Chuggafan in Round 4 Chapter 5, Daramos in Round 7 Chapter 2Losses:1-Lost to Bikdark in Round 9 Chapter 4Nix Olympus-Wins:1-Beat Wild Fang in Round 11 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Wild Fang in Round 5 Chapter 1Wild Fang-Wins:1-Beat Nix Olympus in Round 5 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Nix Olympus in Round 11 Chapter 1Daramos-Wins:1-Beat MetallK1000 in Round 5 Chapter 2Losses:1-Lost to CHAOS FINALITY in Round 7 Chapter 2MetallK1000-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Daramos in Round 5 Chapter 2Blaze-Wins:1-Beat JX-23 in Round 5 Chapter 3Losses:1-Lost to Mecha Dragon in Round 14 Chapter 2JX-23-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Blaze in Round 5 Chapter 3Fusion-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Thatguy in Round 5 Chapter 4Green Devil-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Cuckoo Condor in Round 6 Chapter 1Cuckoo Condor-Wins:1-Beat Green Devil in Round 6 Chapter 1Losses:2-Lost to CHAOS FANTAZY in Round 8 Chapter 2, Epic Kirby in Round 10 Chapter 3Shadow Devil-Wins: NoneLosses:2-Lost to Galaxy in Round 6 Chapter 2, Michael712 in Round 13 Chapter 4Block Devil-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Today in Round 6 Chapter 3Travis-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Yellow Devil Mark 2 in Round 6 Chapter 4Yellow Devil Mark 2-Wins:1-Beat Travis in Round 6 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Terukasaga in Round 6 Chapter 4Twin Devil-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Blocky in Round 6 Chapter 5Blocky-Wins:1-Beat Twin Devil in Round 6 Chapter 5Losses:1-Lost to Labada Horde in Round 13 Chapter 4Seza-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Laggy Blazko in Round 7 Chapter 1Laggy Blazko-Wins:1-Beat Seza in Round 7 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Noxium in Round 12Agent Milf-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Jim the Crazy Sheep in Round 7 Chapter 3Red Fight-Wins:2-Beat Finite Zero in Round 7 Chapter 4, Red in Round 7 Chapter 4Losses:1-Lost to Bluebrawl in Round 9 Chapter 2Ralos-Wins:1-Beat Smash Man in Round 8 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Smash Man in Round 13 Chapter 1Smash Man-Wins:1-Beat Ralos in Round 13 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Ralos in Round 8 Chapter 1Tsukiyomaru Zero-Wins:3-Beat Trollman in Round 8 Chapter 5, SaviorSword in Round 13 Chapter 3, Auroria Borealis in Round 13 Chapter 3Losses: NoneYellowMelee-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to The Almighty Lag Man in Round 9 Chapter 2The Almighty Lag Man-Wins:2-Beat YellowMelee in Round 9 Chapter 2, Bluebrawl in Round 14 Chapter 1Losses: NoneAuroria Borealis-Wins:1-Beat SaviorSword in Round 10 Chapter 1Losses:1-Lost to Tsukiyomaru Zero in Round 13 Chapter 3Master Hand-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Today in Round 11 Chapter 2Noxium-Wins:4-Beat Today in Round 12, Metal Manu in Round 12, Galaxy in Round 12, Laggy Blazko in Round 12Losses:1-Lost to Sscoldre in Round 12Sscoldre-Wins:1-Beat Noxium in Round 12Losses: NoneMetal Manu-Wins: NoneLosses:1-Lost to Noxium in Round 12Michael712-Wins:1-Beat Shadow Devil in Round 13 Chapter 4Losses: NoneMecha Dragon-Wins:1-Beat Blaze in Round 14 Chapter 2Losses: None
He then snapped his fingers again, which caused the boxes to slowly close in, until they would crush them both. Tsuki walked away from the shrinking boxes, and closer to the castle.
He started using all his weapons to break out of the slowly closing box, his gun did nothing, his flamethrower did nothing. He quickly took out his knife and stabbed at the box, leaving a hole allowing Blaze to get out before the box crushed him.]
“So you're saying your ally was killed by the people at Agorix?” Thatguy asked.
“Another one?!” Michael712 said to himself.
Ah, let's have a comparison between 13 and 14. Massive spoilers for all chapters, but you shouldn't be this far in the topic otherwise. >.> (click to show/hide)Quote from: "13"He then snapped his fingers again, which caused the boxes to slowly close in, until they would crush them both. Tsuki walked away from the shrinking boxes, and closer to the castle.Quote from: "14"He started using all his weapons to break out of the slowly closing box, his gun did nothing, his flamethrower did nothing. He quickly took out his knife and stabbed at the box, leaving a hole allowing Blaze to get out before the box crushed him.]Moral of the story: Always bring a knife to a gunfight, because knives cut through metal. This story doesn't have to be realistic but it can at least be reasonable (so I don't lose my willing suspension of disbelief). This is also inconsistent writing: The two strongest characters (bar Tsuki) alive at this point (who are capable of melting metal and stopping time) are incapable of escaping. Blaze escapes with a knife. wtf? Even if my characters weren't involved I'd find that hard to swallow. Because then Blaze is eaten... by a metal dragon. Which reeks of "BLAM". >.>Actually, this is something I had planned. in Tsuki's fight with Trollman, to avoid one of Trollman's attacks, he puts himself in a metal box, and cuts it open with a sword. Blaze can't cut the box with anything except his knife.The moral of the story: Tsuki's metal can be broken by blade weapons.I'd like you to remember that this is Tsuki we're talking about, and most of his creations would have some...flaws in them. Real metal obviously isn't going to tear when slashed with a knife. But Tsuki's coded metal has some flaws.Also this is foreshadowing for the future...On the subject of the Mecha Dragon, He took the dragon from Skull Castle, the reason he went there in the first place. I guess I did a poor job getting that point across, so it's my fault. But he brought the Mecha Dragon with him, so he could have an easier time taking over Port Town, and a role for it in Part 2.You almost wrote it in a way where Savior and Auroria could be trapped in the same box, and have to work together to escape (Time stop + melting ability would do the trick) and successfully resolve that conflict of interest. (Auroria just needs her faith in humanity restored, really!) It wasn't until the last line "anything inside either of them are dead" that you sealed their fates. (Which is another reason why it was so unsatisfying.)"anything inside either of them are dead"Who said something had to be inside of them?FORESHADOWING!Quote from: "11"“So you're saying your ally was killed by the people at Agorix?” Thatguy asked.She's lying through her teeth here. She could at LEAST claim that her "boyfriend" was killed by the horrible people at Agorix. (Since as of now, the two great sides come to battle... Over Wild Fang. We could at LEAST make Elena seem more sympathetic to the party she's tricking. It's OK just to drop hints now and there about romantic relationships. >.>)Thatguy...is gullible. This is one of my many bad planning moments. I knew Elena would make her way into Thatguy's ranks, and that Oshrio would leave because of it. But...when I got to that part, I was a little stumped on how to get her point across. Quote from: "14"“Another one?!” Michael712 said to himself.My thoughts exactly! You want to know which fights are good or whatnot, so I'll say this: Don't use any "-Devil" characters again. They're boring. Looking at the list you wrote almost confirms my suspicion that they won zero fights in the story. (Travis is "C-list Fodder"). And everyone knew this, probably: The devils were going to lose. They're uninteresting and serve no plot purpose (devils don't have sentience) so of course they were going to lose. No real interest in watching an obviously one-sided battle. Shadow Devil had no point to that battle. The whole devil war in Round 6 started as something that sounded way better in my head. But the execution was pretty poor. And now I had Shadow Devil lying around with nothing to do with him! Plus Michael712 really didn't do much, so it was more bad planning.And I hate Twin DevilAnyway, as for the overall strength of the fights - generally, it seemed to go with how deep the characters were. Most people (and myself) I THINK people enjoyed the fights with Dan Jenkins/Elena/Wild Fang in them, and the interest in those characters shows. (At the least, I preferred those.) I would avoid "cheap" fights which is what I got from everything involving Bikdark - that a pipsqueak can defeat an armored knight with a stun-gun and a pocket knife? (That might just be me, though.) 13 and 14 were better overall (barring Shadow Devil, of course). I had a few moments of disbelief - my impression is it'd be generally hard to duck under a shotgun blast, or hell, any gunfire - even for a bad shot, that's TERRIBLE aim! In my head I pictured Bikdark killing FINALITY with a sword...But that's besides the point.This brings up one of the problems with having the community making characters. Some of them are hard to make battles for. And sometimes, most of the community are like "Pssh, who is this character." and they don't care for him/her. Characters like Dan Jenkins, Elena, Wild Fang, Nix all have personality traits, and abilities that keeps the reader interested in them. And with their wide range of attacks, it makes the battle fresh.As for ducking under shotgun bullets. I hate it when people make their characters main weapon be a gun. It's annoying to write a fight for. As I'm a very inexperienced writer, as before this I never really wrote anything before (and it shows)Oh well. Aside from that minor issue, 13 and 14 come off as interesting. Glad to see some issues resolved. (Strangely, the only unresolved issue is... Tsuki. Oops. I guess you have a sequel for that.)Thanks for the critique!
